Kushiel's Dart

Pros

• I love Melisande Shahrizai from Kushiel's Dart. She's such a complex character, with so many flaws, so many interesting things happening. She's a badass, but also very motherly, highly zealous in her own way, pretty sadistic, power-hungr...
• I don't know if Kushiel's Dart (and the whole series that follows it) by Jacqueline Carey would be "epic" enough for you. But it does fulfill the other criteria. And is a great series besides.
• Kushiel's Dart by Jacqueline Carey
• It works as a story about political intrigue in an alternate version of medieval France, not unlike what Guy Gavriel Kay usually writes. Also, the viewpoint character is a professional masochist so a lot of scenes happen in sex dungeons.
• Kushiel’s Dart is well regarded fantasy with erotic elements

Cons

• Troll answer: Kushiel's Dart by Brandon Sanderson.
• Actually, Kushiel's Dart also scratched this itch a bit, but the BDSM was too much for me personally to continue much further in that world.
• I also tried to read Kushiel's Dart by Jacqueline Cary a couple of times and I find it to be extremely boring, unfortunately.
• Is Kushiel's Dart?
• Kushiel's Dart. I'm a little iffier with this one, as the main character has a bodyguard through most of the story, so some problems get solved by (his) violence. But the main character never learns to fight, and is a good person through...